BUCS XC Championships – 2013

I need to start this list of by first saying a hello to my international readers and apologise to Mrs Hodgins. It transpires that Bronwyn may not have told her mum about her little brush with the law which I mentioned in my last race report. Luckily however she had informed her Dad who had told her Mum.

Back to the main event, BUCS 2013 saw a return to the infamous Bodington playing fields, I’m sorry Weetwood playing fields north doesn’t quite have the same ring to it. This would be the largest event being held at the University of Leeds this year with 1200 runners in attendance (although apparently not a large enough event for a Leeds Student reporter to turn up to). The last time the event was held here was way back in 2005, a time when some of our current freshers were still in primary school and Alzheimers was young.

First up was the men’s A race and within the first one hundred metres everyone had a nice splattering of mud. Unfortunately this is the only dirt I have on the people representing Leeds Uni in this race as I don’t really know who any of them are. I still however watched the race and cheered enthusiastically as they went past (although I wasn’t a patch on Freddie’s efforts). Gordon Benson was our top finisher in a decent 6th place the rest all finishing in the top 100. The boys did good and picked up 7th place overall in the team competition. Importantly this was well ahead of the scum that is alehouse who left their speed and most of their runners back in Manchester to come in a low 35th position. This proves the point that no one should join Alehouse (Simon O’Meara take note).

The women’s race was up next and home hopes were pinned upon Leeds Uni’s Susan Partridge who had a decent performance but just like her fellow compatriots, the Scottish rugby team, missed out on the silverware, coming home in 4th place. She did however hold off a Met girl by two seconds, a victory in itself. On the first lap the next three Uni girls were working well together but Joss made a break and in her style got her A game out when it counted finishing 43rd. Colleen Wilson takes over the mantle as the best Canadian with her 51st place, and also took the mantle that evening for forming international relations between Leeds Uni and Canada. This left Bronwyn to follow in 72nd and have an unusually quiet night out (no police this time, your Mum will be pleased). Rebecca Middleton put in a cracking performance to come 79th and Hannah Drewett came in 92nd, putting six of our girls in the top 100 and taking 5th place in the team competition. Alehouse continued their shocking performance coming 48th.Other names to note are Jess Dinkins who brought home the only silverware of the day for Leeds Uni when she woke up on the Sunday with a BUCS silver medal, and I thought it was the Australians who are a nation of thieves. Tabitha Bryant had her own impressive run finishing the course despite losing both shoes along the way. On her last outing representing Leeds Uni, Miss Gold Coast 2010 made the most of every last minute on offer and still beat an Alehouse girl.

To break up the report my predecessor Tom Powell has kindly supplied a Tom’s tip of the day, “make people believe you are magic by vigorously shaking a bottle of talcum powder when you exit a room, thus giving the impression of you disappearing in a cloud of smoke”.

The real race was still to come. The course was by now resembling a hippo’s wallow. As we lined up for the start the normal banter and chanting was thrown around including some foul mouthed men from the Met who profusely exclaimed that they’d rather be at a poly than a c*** (I’ll give you a clue, that word isn’t cart, but may also end in a t). However, I would like to disagree with this statement and claim that I would rather be a winning c*** than at a losing poly. Also to the foul mouthed Met boy who posted on our varsity group, I would like to point out not only am I still masturbating over our athletics win, but also now over our varsity victory and BUCS performance. The lads had had hymn practice on Wednesday night, however the complicated song sheet sent out by choirmaster Glenn Phair was too long to cope with and instead of rising to the occasion we remained the bigger men and saved our breath for the race.

Josh Ridley was the top uni finisher in 18th. Bellew had a big performance, even though he was still carrying his injury pounds; however he showed he may be in his twilight years the next morning on the Sunday run, to quote him directly, “that’s a massive dribble, no wait I’m still pissing”. Glenn Phair had an average performance but was saving himself for all the running up and down the fruity staircase he had to do later on sorting out stupid teams such as Birmingham. Birmingham thought that they were the life and soul of the after party being the only team to remain in the terrace all night, they hadn’t realised everyone else was downstairs in fruity. You would have thought the lack of foam may have given away that they were in the wrong place; luckily for them their running skills are slightly better than their mental ones. Tom Powell had suspended his fish and chip battle with Jack Wood and concentrated his efforts on international bridge building within the society (do the maths). The suspension in battle was due to Wood’s 24 pint birthday challenge. Number eleven was consumed shortly before the race. Despite Alzheimer’s high hopes of beating Finn he had to settle for a position further down the field, he’d forgotten how fast Finn can be.

We’ll take another break for a Tom’s tip of the day, “Employers, avoiding hiring unlucky people by immediately throwing half the CVs in the bin”.

Best of the rest had been a hard fought battle for the first two and a half laps between Mark O’Kane, Stringer and Dave, but the battle was won out by Johnny Wells who had taken a leaf out of Dave’s book and his fruity Friday paid off with his stunningly quick final half lap. Dave had the edge for a short time before doing a Tabitha and losing a shoe. Stringer fell back through the field and his demise was sealed by an excellent final kick by Jarram Jarram, taking him on the finishing straight. The new title, “first of the worst”, goes to Ashley Bailey who beat his partner in crime DJ “big cat” Crizzle. Despite Bethan Davies saying, “I think he has dropped out, I’ve not seen him for the last two laps”, Crizzle was indeed still out on the course plodding along. Like the true pro he is, Crizzle was sporting a brand new pair of running spikes, the first and only time we’ll be seeing them this year.

Some more of the big dogs were in attendance but only in their cheerleading capacity. The squad consisted of Lucy “Cellophane flowers of yellow and green” Crookes, Caroline Ford, Jacob Clark’s new best friend Becky Hilton (nothing gets past these eyes even with vodka). Dan Whittle and Sarah Marsden were also both out due to injuries, I don’t know what you two have been getting up to together but I think you might be doing it wrong. Most enthusiastic cheerleader was our late great leader Freddie Slemeck who’s jumping up and down and cheering expended more energy than some of the runners. Luke Buswell having resigned from men’s race captain duties earlier in the year was too ashamed to take part in the race although the reason he cited was, “I’m going to concentrate on my track season” (I call bull faecal matter on this), instead he tried blending into the background by wearing a bright yellow marshal’s bib (at least that’s one top of his that remained intact).

The evening entertainment started off with a win over Scotland in the rugby, followed by the standard curry at Akmals. This is where I need to apologise again to everyone I put face paint on (except Joe Vis, because he’s alehouse scum). This apology reminded me that I needed to apologise to Bethan Davies for spilling curry on her, which led me to remember that I knocked my sainsbury’s basics cider (only the best) over someone else.

That however isn’t the last of the apologies because there is also one for Stringer as I ripped his shirt up and possibly Crizzle and Tom Powell’s as well. There is another for that random Edinburgh girl I always pick up and spin around, her reaction on seeing me was something along the lines of “oh no, not you again”, a line that Crizzle hears all too often. I say this, however, the lion tamer herself was in attendance and kept the big cat under complete control, at this rate he’ll be downgraded to a pussy cat soon.

Only other important points to note is the evidence showing that Slobbin was out on the pull and that Luke Buswell on what was meant to be his second trip to fruity, didn’t make it in (not by his own choice).The rest of the evening can be pieced together from earlier parts of my report. One fruity worker was however quoted as saying, “those cross country people are awful, I’ve never seen so much bodily fluid in one evening”, I take that as a mark of success. A perfect party to end a perfect day for the club.

I had written a long race report including everyone but it read more like a war memorial, then I came to my senses and realised that no one reads these for the results, that’s what the results are for.

Dave

Births and Deaths (please note neither of these people is actually dead)

In Memorandum

Miss Gold Coast 2010- Despite only being with us for one semester Gold Coast made a big impression. Although she didn’t have the running prowess of some of her international counterparts she cemented her reputation by being a social member of the club and giving us some memorable evenings. Full credit has to be given to her for getting a free bottle of champagne from Walkabout by walking up to the DJ and proclaiming, “I’m Australian give me alcohol”. We wish her all the best for the future.

Robbbbbbbbbbb Johnsonnnnnnnnnnnn- No report is ever complete without a mention to this man. After first joining the club back in 1963 the man made his mark by never doing any running, in what today we would call doing a Crizzle. After eventually departing the club in 1970 he went on to do some kind of running including the odd marathon. He was a staple at every event since and in some respects became the team mascot. I was fortunate enough to meet the man on my first trip to Manchester where he showed his humorous side by turning up in full running kit and then claiming he didn’t want to run, of course he ran in the end. My next meeting was up in Edinburgh where he made the trip all the way from London to just come and take photos (whatever happened to them?) due to his fear of heights. This was the last known sighting of the great man and he will be sorely missed, until his imminent return.

Births

Penny Dorothy Pinker-Hull- Although she missed the main event we must give her thanks for clinging on those extra few days allowing our coach Greg Hull to be in attendance.

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