Manchester Relays Race Report – 2012

Investigative study into the performance of Leeds University Cross Country Club at the annual Manchester Cross Country Relays

Author: Powell, T.J

Abstract

Good solid consistent performances from everyone. Better than average performance from DJ Crizzle. In addition excellent wins from the Rhino’s and the mighty whites made it a stunning day for Leeds in general.

Aim

To thrash both Leeds Metropolitan ‘University’ and the filth that is Alehouse (for freshers this is code for Manchester) over a 6 x 1.9 mile (mens) and 3x 1.9 mile (womens (though less important as women are the inferior species)) at the annual Manchester University cross country relays.

Introduction

Saturday started off the same as most University Relays, with meeting at the Parkinson steps at 10 am, a full 4 hours before the race. Freshers you have the race captain Luke Buswell to thank for this. To escape further Buswell mistakes in the future, when voting in next years committee meeting please vote for a Mr N Crizzle as he doesn’t waste the clubs money unlike Mr Car Crash Buswell. In fact he saves it, e.g. instead of buying expensive ‘ribbed’ condoms he buys normal ones and fills them with frozen peas. If you dispute this with Luke its likely he’ll react as vigorously as iron when placed in concentrated sulphuric acid (de Lima et al.,2012)

In the car to Manchester I was seated with two freshers, Emma Radcliffe and Becky. Unfortunately we got slightly lost at one point and I wasn’t really paying attention where we were going. A bit silly considering I have made the journey at least 60 times (I’m being serious). When Becky learnt of this she looked most displeased and I was worried for my life as she had a thunderous tone to her voice. At one point it looked like an argument arise in which a crash would result, causing whiplash to all of the cars passengers (Geiger and Aliyev, 2012). Fortunately I diffused the situation by telling her a top tip (see my facebook profile daily for equally useful tips)“Manchester United Fans: Save money on expensive replica kits by simply sellotaping a penis to your forehead. This way it is clear where your allegiances lie”. Take note of this James Stringer.

Materials

* Spikes

* Official University of Leeds Cross Country Club Vest

* Shorts (Elliot Jackson)

* ROOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBB JJJOOOHHHHHNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNN

* Several condoms

* 1 bag of birdseye peas

* Several yellow items

Note: Although passing over to the dark side of the Pennines passports are not needed, unlike the Edinburgh race in a few weeks.

Results

Fig1 – Graph to show how Doss set off ahead of Alehouse the entire relay.

Fig 2 – Times from 3 mens team put forward. NOTE : top performances came from Jackson (officially 9.19.32 due to incredibly accurate timing), Alzheimers, Phair (considering lack of training the best run of the day) and Powell (2nd leg). Also top performance from Nicholas Crizzle (no relation to performance during the race). Also note that I have referred to as Stringer and Bellew by their first names. This is because they are such huge LADS they are normally reffered to by their surnames so I thought I’d reverse the naming system for them.

Fig 3 – Table to show times from 5 ladies team put forward. NOTE : top performance came from Bromwyn Hodgins. What a brilliant run. I mean flippin hell she’s verging on the men’s A team with runs like that.

Discussion

Men’s

All the men’s team got off to fantastic starts (YAY) by superb runs from future big Dosser Beau Smith, Glenn Phair and Rob Johnson. Rob tried to fool us by saying he didn’t want to run despite the fact he’d travelled down from London. What a Joker! It was also slightly embarrassing when I introduced my self to Beau that I knew who he was and have raced Beau many times since the U-13s but he had no idea who I was. Also what a bloody good run from Glenn- he’s barely run for a year! Some say his run was similar to the way in which oxygen enters the metalloenzyme Copper Amine Oxidase(Sun et al., 2012)

In addition the A team missed promising fresher Finn Affleck-Brodie due to his weird pastime of doing GCSE’s. He has now passed 87! They also missed Callum Greenwood who was part way through a big-mac when the race commenced.

Second legs were ran by Bellew, Mark O’Kane and DJ. Bellew seemed happy enough with his leg, and DJ was happy enough to get his leg over. Mark O’Kane ran a nice solid leg before handing over to Jamie Richardson. Nicholas ‘the new Elliot Jackson’ Crizzle only had to say “Spice up you’re sex life by trying a bit of ‘Rodeo sex’ . Take you’re woman from behind and , holding on tightly to her jugs , call her by the wrong name. See how long you can stay mounted for”. DJ you dirty, dirty man. I should also mention that Bellew beat a filthy metty by the name of Chris Wright.

For the third leg Powell was up for the A team and a cheeky glance between the two best buds inspired Powell to run a stormer in 9.55. It was the best thing since January the 3rd (remember the date, we beat the team that we f***ing hate!). O’Kane and DJ handed over to Jamie Richardson ad Shane Adams who ran respectable first runs for cross country.

In the fourth legs Stringer kept the A team up there with a solid 10.02. Elliot ‘horrible’ Jackson ran 4th for the B team with a not so horrible 9.19, with a certain Mr Evans running an equally not so horrible 9.40.

A delighted Chris Smith ran a great 9.37 for the 5th leg in the A team. Delighted because he didn’t crash on the way here, not because of his great run. Alex Bellew ran a solid 10.17 and Jacke Williams kept the C team looking strong.

Dan Roberts did brilliant to bring the A team home in his first run for the club. Tom Powell was delighted to bring home the second team in 10.14 (2nd leg). This was the first time I’d ever even got close to Bellew so was very pleased. It now makes the score 193 – 1 in Bellews favour. I feel one day I will catch him up. To be honest this was only after he thrashed me in the first leg aswell. Jamie Reynolds ran a highly creditable run to bring home the uni in 11.16.

Lovely ladies

Firstly what a great turn out for the girls. Seriously good effort!. This is undoubtedly the best ladies team I have ever seen (the Swedish ladies beach volleyball team I saw at the Olympics non-withstanding).

All 5 first leg runner got the teams off to a great start with Lucy Crookes leading the way with a great 10.51. There was a fair bit of panic before the start as nobody knew where Lucy was. I said “look for the girl with kaleidoscope eyes and she’s gone”(Lennon et.al 1967). Bethan ‘The Cap’ Davies ran a great leg in 11.55 to set off her cross country season to a flyer with Rebecca Jameson, Tabitha Bryant and Emily Fraser all running good legs for the C,D and E teams.

Caroline Ford showed her athletic prowess by running a great 11.15 to keep the uni in the hunt for a top 10 spot. Big Dog Anne-Marie Moore and Emma Radcliffe put in more great runs for the club as they have both done for many a year. Ellie and Hannah both also ran great legs, showing a stunning strength in depth for our club.

Colleen Wilson brought the A team home in 11th position. Great running! Bromwyn Hodgins overtook Glenn Phair as my personal pick for run of the day in a staggering run. Jessica Dinkins ran a very nice 12.30 for her first run of the year, with Lucy Crookes running another very nice leg in 11.21. Well done SBB. Catherine Garbutt braught the D team home in their fastest time in a speedy 12.25.

Acknowledgments

In the writing of this race report I’d like to thank the undying friendship of the IT bossman. I’d also like to thank the inspirational presence that is Nicholas Crizzle, what a LAD.

Matt Crehan couldn’t attend to relays due to an illness on his fathers part. On behalf of the club we all wish him a full and speedy recovery.

Thomas J Powell

University of Leeds Cross Country Club Press Officer 2011-2013 (assuming I don’t get sacked after this ‘race report’

DE LIMA, G. F., DE OLIVEIRA, C., DE ABREU, H. A. & DUARTE, H. A. 2012. Sulfuric and hydrochloric acid adsorption on the reconstructed sulfur terminated (001) chalcopyrite surface. International Journal of Quantum Chemistry, 112, 3216-3222.

GEIGER, G. & ALIYEV, R. M. 2012. Whiplash injury as a function of the accident mechanism Neuro-otological differential diagnostic findings. Unfallchirurg, 115, 629-634.

LENNON,J., McCARTNEY J.P. 1967 Lucy in the sky with diamonds. Sgt Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band Track 3.

SUN, J., MORITA, H., CHEN, G., NOGUCHI, H. & ABE, I. 2012. Molecular cloning and characterization of copper amine oxidase from Huperzia serrata. Bioorganic & medicinal chemistry letters, 22, 5784-90.

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